The Curious Autodidact

September 10, 2009

Not Forgetten

Filed under: end of life,media related,social justice — Honilima @ 9:02 pm
The entry gate to Auschwitz concentration camp, taken in July 2006

The entry gate to Auschwitz concentration camp, taken in July 2006

Reading about a visit to the concentrations camps may not be everyone’s idea of good summer reading but this essay, My Visit to Hell,
by Christopher Buckley, previously unpublished is a vivid reminder of our not so distant past.

If you want to read a recent book about a survivor that was published years ago in Europe but only recently here, try Lucky Child by Thomas Buergenthal or Rena’s Promise: A Story of Sisters in Auschwitz by Rena Kornreich Gelissen both candid well told stories of wartime experiences in the camps and beyond.

July 24, 2009

Caring for the Caregiver

Filed under: end of life,helpful hints — Honilima @ 4:45 am


In doing some research for a close friend who is coping as an only adult offspring trying to do the right thing for her aging father I came across this marvelous list put out by the American Medical Association (AMA) If you care facing a challenge caring for someone in your life I urge you to take this test that will weigh your stress-level.

The National Caregivers Library has lots of helpful resources.

Further I’d recommend reading: COUNTING ON KINDNESS by Wendy Lustabader (out of print, get at the library or used) or MY MOTHER YOUR MOTHER by Dr. Dennis McCullough.

July 12, 2009

What is an Advance Directive?

Filed under: end of life,helpful hints — Honilima @ 7:12 am

Two boats the Bill built


Advance directive is a general term for oral or written instructions about future medical care if a person becomes incapable of stating his or her wishes. In these documents, both wanted and unwanted treatment may be specified. In Washington State, there are three types of advance directives: the Health Care Directive (also known as a Living Will or Directive to Physician), the Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, and the Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment.

Advance directives are only part of the process. Protecting your health care choices is a three-step process:

  1. deciding what you want;
  2. communicating your intentions so that others understand them;
  3. and committing your providers, family, and health care agent(s) to the acceptance (and sometimes defense) of your choices.

May 13, 2009

Quotes about Death: In Memory of Mary O.

Filed under: end of life,Word Related — Honilima @ 7:25 am

Death is simply a shedding of the physical body, like the butterfly coming out of a cocoon. It is a transition into a higher state of consciousness, where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, to be able to grow, and the only thing you lose is something you don’t need anymore . . . your physical body. It’s like putting away your winter coat when spring comes.
ELISABETH KÜBLER-ROSS

Death is the most beautiful adventure in life.
Charles Frohman

Death teaches us to live; it gives us a boundary to map our living within. Death’s hammer breaks through the mirror separating us from light.
David Meltzer

A man’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own.
THOMAS MANN

The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.
Marcus Cicero
c 106-43 BC Great Roman Orator Politician

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
Buddha

Death is the liberator of him whom freedom cannot release, the physician of him whom medicine cannot cure, and the comforter of him whom time cannot console.
Charles C. Colton

I think of death as some delightful journey that I shall take when all my tasks are done.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Death? Why this fuss about death? Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! . . . Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman

When the body sinks into death, the essence of man is revealed. Man is a knot, a web, a mesh into which relationships are tied. Only those relationships matter. The body is an old crock that nobody will miss. I have never known a man to think of himself when dying. Never.
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
1900-1944 French Aviator Writer

Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.
George Eliot
1819-1880 British Novelist

Dying is something we human beings do continuously, not just at the end of our physical lives on this earth.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Swiss-born American Psychiatrist

Every man goes down to his death bearing in his hands only that which he has given away.
Saying of Persian Origin

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
ALBERT PIKE

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Kona Sunset, Big Island, Hawaii

April 10, 2009

End of Life Wishes

Filed under: end of life,helpful hints — Honilima @ 7:13 am

A row boat in the France


Even if you have done everything to communicate your own end-of-life wishes, you may find need to take the initiative and have the discussion loved ones who have not shared their end-of-life wishes with you. Here are pointers to keep in mind:

Select an Appropriate Setting
Find a comfortable place that is free from distraction to hold a one-on-one discussion.

Ask Permission to Begin this often Tender Conversation
People cope with end-of-life issues in different styles. Ask permission to discuss the topic, this assures your loved one that you will respect and honor all of his or her wishes. Here are a few suggestions:

  • “I would like to talk about how you would like to be cared for if you got very sick. Is that okay?”
  • “If you ever got sick, I would be afraid of not knowing the kind of care you would like. Could we talk about this now? I would feel better if we had the conversation in advance.”

What To Expect
Keep in mind that you have initiated this conversation because you care about your loved one’s wellbeing – especially during difficult times. Allow your loved one to set the pace. Focus on maintaining a caring manner throughout the conversation, show your love and concern:

  • Nod your head in agreement, acknowledge them with kindness
  • If appropriate hold your loved one’s hand
  • Offer a hug or comforting touch

A few questions you may want to ask about end-of-life care include:

  • If you were diagnosed with a life-limiting illness, what types of treatment would you prefer?
  • Have you named someone to make decisions on your behalf if you become unable to do so?
  • How would you like your choices honored at the end of life?
  • What can I do to best support you and your choices?

You may well encounter resistance the first time you bring up this topic, sadly death and dying is not spoken about in our culture. Don’t be discouraged; instead try again at another time.

Be a Good Listener
Be sure to make an effort to hear and understand what the person is saying. These moments, although difficult, are important and special to both of you. Some important things you can do are:

  • Listen for the wants and needs that your loved one expresses.
  • Make clear that what your loved one is sharing with you is important to you.
  • Show empathy and respect by addressing these wants and needs in a truthful and open way.
  • Verbally acknowledge your loved one’s rights to make life choices – even if you do not agree with those choices.

Having conversations with your loved ones about their end-of-life wishes can be a sensitive discussion. These conversations matter and are needed to learn about your loved one’s wishes so that those wishes can be honored at the end of life.

March 10, 2009

Excellent Books about Death, Dying, and Loss

Filed under: book related,end of life — Honilima @ 7:20 am

Facing Death Finding Hope by Christina Longacre

Orphaned Adults by Alexander Levy

On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan

Needs of the Dying by David Kessler

What Dying People Want by David Kuhl

Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman

Losing Your Parents Finding Yourself by Victoria Secunda

Handbook for Mortals by Joanne Lynn

March 4, 2009

Sir Edward Kennedy?

Filed under: end of life,media related,social justice — Honilima @ 1:04 am

Mary Jo Kopechne
gone but not forgotten…

June 15, 2008

Ten Tips for Saving Money on a Funeral

Filed under: end of life,helpful hints,money saving ideas,nonprofit — Honilima @ 12:21 am

Ten Tips for Saving Money on a Funeral

from the Funeral Consumer’s Alliance

1. Talk about funerals with family members ahead of time so they all will know your wishes and you will know theirs-. If your plans are mentioned only in a will, the will may not be read until long after other ar-rangements have been made. If Mom had always said she want-ed something “simple” and you aren’t sure what she meant, you may end up purchasing a great deal more than something truly “simple.” Or perhaps Mom told everyone what kind of funeral she wanted, but she had no idea that it would cost far more than anyone could afford.

2. Price shop by phone or in person. Price-shopping can save you thousands of dollars. The f uneral home in your neighborhood may be three times as expensive as one across town. By law, funeral homes have to give you prices over the phone, or hand you a General Price List when you start talking about prices at the funeral home. If the GPL shows that caskets begin at $595, did you ask to see one if it was not on display?

3. Only buy what you want. If you are shopping for a funeral at the time of death take a friend with you, someone who will help you be sure you buy only what you want. Don’t buy more than you intended out of guilt. People often think that how much they spend is a demonstration of how much they love someone. Don’t buy more because of fears of being “different” or “cheap” or worries about “What people will think?” Fu-neral sales litera-ture today commonly refers to a “traditional” funeral package (meaning elaborate and a good profit margin for the mortician), with one funeral often looking just like the next. Enjoy making your own traditions. A unique and personalized memo-rial observance is what others will remember. Don’t feel obligated to put on a big “show” when the deceased has been prominent dur-ing his or her lif etime. For the cremation of the author of The American Way of Death, Jessica Mitford’s family spent just under $500. Shortly thereafter, they hosted a grand memorial gathering. It was very much in keeping with Jessica’s disdain of lavish fu-neral mer-chandise but love of a good party

4. Make your own or buy online. You can find caskets or kits on line for a fraction of the retail price. It is illegal for a mortuary to charge a “handling fee” for using a casket obtained elsewhere. Or, choose a “minimum container” from the mortuary and drape it with attractive material, a handmade quilt, or a flag. Most people know what’s involved in growing a head of lettuce or a few tomatoes and would think $10 each was an outrageous price; they probably would stop buying them. Few consumers realize that caskets may be marked up 300500% or more. A casket that is listed for $1,295 at the funeral home might wholesale for only $325. That same casket is probably available from a casket retailer for $650.

5. Consider the “direct burial” or “immediate cremation” packages. These plans do not necessitate buying grand caskets, embalming, cosmetic touchups, or funeral services and processions. Cemetery space for cremated remains is generally – but not always – less expensive than the space needed for a body burial. Cremated remains can be buried/scattered almost wherever you choose. Also, if you choose one of these options, you don’t need to use a local funeral home which might cost twice as much as the one in the next town.

6. Plan a memorial service without the body present. In that case, there would be no need for embalming, a fancy casket, or expensive transporting of the body back and forth. Private family visitation and “goodbyes” can occur in the hospital or home, before you call a funeral director. Use a church, park, or community center for the memorial service without attending funeral home staff. Again, with this option, you do not have to use a local funeral home.

7. Skip embalming. Embalming is not routinely required by law. Some circumstances may precipitate the need for embalming, but in no state is it necessary when burial or cremation is planned within a day or so.

8. Consider body donation to a medical school. In some areas, there may be no cost to the family whatsoever. In other circumstances, the cost of transporting the body may be the only cost. Generally cremated remains are returned to the family within a year or two.

9. Some cemeteries may require a grave liner or vault, but not all. There is no state law that does. If you prefer body burial, ask for a “grave liner” rather than a “coffin vault” at a fraction of the price. And again, be sure to shop around. The “outer burial container” is a way for morticians to increase their income and is an added burden on your funeral finances. With prices as much or more than caskets, remember that it is just a boxforthebox which gets quickly covered by the cemetery lawn.

10. Consider handling all arrangements without using a mortuary. Most people also don’t know that in the majority of states a family or church group may handle a death without the use of a funeral home and many families have found it loving and therapeutic. The book, Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love, gives a great deal of state specific practical information, and the PBS documentary, A Family Undertaking follows the stories of several families. Both are invaluable resources for anyone choosing this meaningful way to say goodbye.

And, a bonus tip: Join your local Funeral Consumers Alliance. Some have contracts with local funeral homes for services at a reduced price for members. Some have done a price survey and have done the priceshopping for you already. Most will refer you to an ethical funeral home. There are reciprocal benefits if you move to or die in another state. Supporting an Alliance will help to keep this consumer information available for future generations, and the membership contribution is modest.

Remember: Funeral directors are business people who deserve to be paid for what they do. However, it is your job, as a funeral consumer, to be welleducated about your funeral choices, to determine the kind of funeral or memorial service that meets the needs of your family, and to locate an ethicallypriced facility that will honor your choices with caring and dignity.

May 4, 2008

One Last Kindness: Organ and Body Donation

Filed under: end of life,environmental ideas — Honilima @ 1:50 am

Death provides many of us with a one-time chance to make a valuable gift to humanity. All major religions approve of body and organ donation for medical and dental teaching, research, and transplants. According to public opinion polls, most people believe that such donations are desirable.

Organ Donation

With the advances in medical science in the last decade, organ transplants have become fairly common. Organ donation at a time of death is a gift of life or sight to the recipient. Circumstances surrounding death may limit this option, yet the corneas of even elderly donors will be grateful accepted. If your wish is to aid the living with an organ donation, make sure your next-of-kin and your physician know your preference. This intent should be noted on any medical or hospital records, too. A body from which organs have been removed will not be accepted for medical study.

Body Donation

Medical schools have an ongoing need of bodies for teaching and research. The need may be especially urgent at osteopathic and chiropractic schools. No medical school buys bodies, but there is usually little or no expense for the family when death occurs. Therefore, if you live in an area where low-cost funeral options do not exist, body donation may be an economical as well as thoughtful and generous choice.

Most medical schools pay for nearby transportation as well as embalming and final disposition. The School may have a contract with a particular firm for transporting bodies, so it is important to inquire about the specific arrangements to be used at the time of death in order to avoid added costs. After medical study, the body is usually cremated, with burial or scattering in a university plot. Often the cremains or remains can be returned to the family for burial within a year or two. This request should be made known at the time of donation. Some medical schools require that a donor register before death. However, in many cases, next-of-kin may make the bequest without prior arrangement.

Funeral Plans

Because it is important for the medical school to start preservation as soon after death as possible, a memorial service is most appropriate for those planning on body donation. Alternative plans for body disposition should be discussed with your family. A few schools take care of disposition regardless of condition at the time of death, in fulfillment of their contract with a donor. Most medical schools, however, follow guidelines in the acceptance of a body. If death occurs at the time of surgery, for example, the body would not be accepted for study. Certain diseases, as well as obesity, make a body unsuitable. Some medical schools may not have an immediate need and have no provision for storage or for sharing with another university.

Provisions When Traveling

There will be special considerations if death occurs while you are traveling and you planned on body donation. If you are a great distance from the medical school of your choice, should your family bear the cost of transporting your body there, or may the nearest university be contacted? The need for cadavers in some foreign countries is even greater than in the U.S. For example, in Argentina 200 medical students must share a cadaver. A private individual’s body may be shipped to another country if placed in a hermetically sealed container. If death were to occur abroad, do you wish your survivors to inquire about the local need for bodies or organs to fulfill the intent of your anatomical bequest? Be sure to note your preference on the Uniform Donor Card you carry.

from:http://www.funerals.org/

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